CatherineRhodes.com

My sister Sara and I were discussing why my otherwise loving and well-adjusted 16-year-old feels the need to sass me — the mean comments, the sarcasm, the digs. She feels bad afterwards and apologizes with “I can’t help it.”

After some analysis, Sara and I came to the conclusion that it’s a natural power struggle, like the young elk butting horns with the alpha of the herd. When a girl gets to be 16, she starts to feel a sense of her own power. She is adored in the world (“mom, why are people staring at me?”) and is flush with the hormones of burgeoning sexuality. Most likely as tall as her mother, and with a woman’s body, she sees the older female figure as her rival and subconsciously tries to unseat her.

She doesn’t mean to be cruel; she just needs to test the limits of her new-found strength.

Sara and I both admitted that we were intentionally mean to our mother, who was such a passive personality that she retreated instead of fighting back. We kept pushing and pushing to get a response. Sara said she would try to make Mum cry. I remember a time when I kept telling Mum she was stupid until finally she slapped me, which was the smartest thing she could have done. Because here’s the secret: the last thing a teenage girl wants to feel is that she’s more powerful than her mother. She wants her mom, her same gender role model, to decisively stand her ground so she feels safe during her years of adolescent upheaval. Moms, stay strong and do not take it.